There may be no topic in this world more heavily debated than the proper method for picking up a gal in a bar. It's a challenging craft, one that continues to baffle even scholars of the subject.
Though I can't boast of any major successes, I do have a strategy that has been honed in the trenches of parties and bars alike.
Still, there's a very good chance that some people — like women — will disagree with every single word in this column. I invite these women to e-mail me at neil@neiljanowitz.com and offer what they think is more sound advice, which I then will turn around and use on them in a whirlwind of online seduction. Or I'll just update the column.
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Houston, we have contact
Eye contact is the single most powerful ice-breaker in your arsenal. However, wield this weapon carefully. It doesn't take much for a prolonged glance to be misinterpreted as a pervert's stare.
Look briefly but frequently; the idea isn't for the girl to think you're trying to memorize the pattern of her dress, but rather that you're so enamored that you can't help but look in her direction repeatedly.
On the outside chance that your eyes meet, don't do anything outrageous. Just offer a timid wave before turning away bashfully. Girls love it when you do that. They also love it when you purport to have any idea what girls love.
Talk to the wingettes
Girls always travel in packs; it's their nature. This means that somewhere in the bar is a gang of ferocious females determined to keep their friend from going home with, well, you. You need to curb their efforts from the get-go and in so doing recruit some supporters to your cause.
Wait 'til you see the object of your affection check in with her girls; then strike when she disappears again. Approach her friends and casually ask a simple question regarding their friend — “Is she here with you?” “How do you know her?” “Does she have a boyfriend?” Seem earnest and genuine but not obsessed; the more casual the question, the better.
Before departing, introduce yourself to them, excuse yourself for intruding and make a final complimentary remark about their friend. Then sit back and let the propaganda machine do its thing.
Game, set ...
So you've planted the seeds of interest with your fertile eyes, and you've set the gossip machine abuzz by tactically chatting with her friends. By this point you can rest assured that those friends ran right back to your objet d'amour and informed her of that fine gentleman (you, dummy) and his inquiries.
You've been examined, and you've been endorsed. Now everything, for better or worse, rests in the hands of your “personality.”
Aside from breaking a bottle over her head, using a cheesy pickup line is the worst move you can make. Stay calm and polite. Sidle up next to her and introduce yourself by name. If she's wearing a particularly noteworthy article of clothing or accessory, comment on it — positively would work best. Otherwise, maybe a facial feature or other attribute is compliment-worthy. Either way, make sure she knows that she means more to you than a cliché pickup line.
Ask general questions about her life, and use them to segue into more specific questions — anything to keep her talking. Should the conversation dry up, buy another round of drinks, and use the downtime to either escape or formulate another topic.
You'll be able to tell pretty quickly if she's a keeper or a sleeper. And speaking of sleeping, don't rush things. Get her number, thank her for a lovely evening, and part ways with the knowledge that she thinks you're the greatest guy on earth. Give her at least 'til the third date to discover the truth.
