So I decided to clean my house this weekend.

Not just do the dishes and wash clothes (which constitutes cleaning in the mind of a single guy), but scrub the shower, seal tile, clean the stove and sinks — you know, actually make the place clean.

In order to maintain a macho facade, I used some pretty serious hardware to get the job done.

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I bought a few new buffing heads for my random-orbital car buffer, a filter for my wet-dry vac and a tool belt for appearance. It never hurts to have a hammer dangling from your belt.

There is some kind of special sauce you have to use on flat ceramic cook-tops.

It cleans them and leaves a protective coating to keep stuff from sticking.

I'm sure it's lots of fun to put on rubber gloves and scrub the cook-top with a sponge for 30 minutes, but a 1.5-HP orbital buffer gets the job done in about nine seconds.

The rest of the time can be spent wiping the excess sauce off of random surfaces around the kitchen.

Don't ask how I know this, but safety goggles are a good call, too.

The orbital buffer also can be used to shine your countertops and bathtub, but I'd keep it away from the toilet. Stick to conventional methods there.

I always vacuum last, because some of the side projects with which I become distracted while cleaning (like rewiring the entire house) do create some fallout.

I have a standard vacuum with a spinning brush head and convenient handle, and it sits in my storage unit because it does not actually pick up dirt as much as it just kicks it around.

My answer is a 5 HP wet/dry contraption that sounds like an F-16.

You pretty much just turn it on and stand in the middle of the room, and everything that isn't nailed down ends up in the canister.

Be sure your cat is well-fed and watered before using this vacuum, because when you turn it on she will hide somewhere, and you won't see her for several days.

So now the place is pretty clean.

I still need to clean the front of my refrigerator, but Home Depot isn't getting the sandblasting wands in until Friday.

Dusty Scott is a contributing writer for Link, a young reader publication in Greenville, S.C.