‘No hanging chads'
Weekly World News
(Nov. 15)
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At least not in Baghdad.
The WWN reports that to prevent any “hanky panky” at polls in Iraq this Jan. 31 (hanky panky?), the White House has dispatched a highly regarded and “morally superior” extraterrestrial named P'lod to observe the upcoming elections.
“There will be no hanging chads in Iraq,” P'lod has assured President George W. Bush, referring to the botched Florida ballots that turned the 2000 presidential election “into a fiasco,” the tabloid states.
“The White House believes that ensuring that the election is universally seen as legitimate is critical to transforming Iraq into a democracy that serves as a model for the region,” the WWN goes on to state, quoting no one, as far as we can tell.
However, it does quote an unnamed White House source as saying, “Riding herd over those Iraqis and ensuring the election is clean as a whistle won't be easy — but if anyone can do it, it's (P'lod).”
Don't be a boob: “Hey, guys! You can stop scratching your head and instantly determine whether a buxom lady's boobs are gifts from God or ‘store bought fakes,'
” reports the WWN .
“It's not hard when you know what to look for,” the tabloid quotes cosmetic surgeon Dr. Constance Cramer as saying and offers three tips from her “fascinating brochure” Are Those Things REAL? :
“Do the breasts point in the same direction? ‘Natural breasts occasionally look a little crooked, but breasts with implants often go every which way,' Cramer says.”
“Do the breasts … quiver when a low-flying airplane passes overhead or a train rumbles by on nearby tracks? ‘Natural breasts are designed to withstand ordinary day-to-day stress,' says Cramer.”
Finally, natural breasts are spaced “one to two fingers apart,” but implants “have a tendency to drift, leaving a wide and sometimes palm-sized space between them.”
